A tiny fictional recruit has demanded that his official rank reflect the seniority he has already exercised over every delivery driver in the neighbourhood.
The chihuahua's assessment identified strong vigilance, excellent attendance and an ability to detect threats invisible to less experienced personnel. These included a bin placed slightly differently and a person wearing a hat.
During a command exercise, the recruit immediately seized control of the largest chair. Instructors praised his decisiveness but noted that the chair had not formed part of the operation.
His equipment requirements are modest: a blanket, a bowl and written confirmation that a distant labrador will not be permitted to approach the bowl. The accommodation request has been escalated because he requires a bed larger than the space he actually occupies.
A fictional training officer said the newcomer had excellent leadership potential. He can communicate an urgent instruction for several minutes without knowing what the instruction is, a quality previously observed only at senior meetings.
The only outstanding difficulty concerns the chain of command. On paper, the dog reports to a handler. In practice, the handler has spent the morning negotiating access to his own coat.
The recruit will be promoted when he completes obedience training. Officials have not yet established whose obedience is being assessed.
