This is satire. Events, dialogue and quotations in this article are invented for comic effect. It is not a factual news report.

A British book club has created a new category recognising the increasingly rare achievement of completing the book before discussing it.

The prize was proposed after a session in which five members praised the prose, two questioned the ending and nobody could remember where the story took place.

The shortlist announcement had encouraged the group to attempt more demanding fiction. Members responded by demanding more reliable summaries.

Under the new rules, evidence of reading may include identifying a character who is not mentioned on the back cover. Describing the book as a meditation will no longer count unless the speaker can name something it meditates on.

One member has objected that this privileges literal reading over the broader emotional experience of intending to read.

Another says she engages with literature through audio. Asked whether she means an audiobook, she explained that she listens to a podcast in which two other people intend to read it.

The first award ceremony will take place once a qualifying candidate emerges. Until then, the trophy is being used to hold down a stack of reviews.

Next month the club plans to discuss a shorter novel, a decision widely welcomed by members who will not read that one either.