A fictional family has welcomed the arrival of ready-carved pumpkins, describing them as an essential service for households that have already used up their remaining enthusiasm finding the PE bag.
The product allows parents to enjoy a traditional Halloween activity without performing the activity. All that remains is to place the pumpkin by the door and explain that the family’s creative vision was unusually consistent with everyone else’s.
Previously, the annual ritual involved buying a pumpkin, promising to carve it together and discovering that the children’s contribution consisted primarily of leaving. One adult then spent forty minutes removing wet string from a fruit while the other located a plaster.
An imaginary lifestyle specialist insisted that outsourcing the face did not diminish the memory. Modern family life already depended on purchased birthday cakes, preassembled costumes and photographs taken immediately before an argument about putting coats on.
Demand has encouraged proposals for further services, including pre-enjoyed Christmas crafts, pre-lost Easter eggs and a school project that arrives with the appropriate amount of parental resentment already included.
The family’s pumpkin is now on display. Visitors have praised its symmetry. Both parents have accepted the compliment with the confidence of people who also claim to have made dinner when they have heated it.
