An imaginary property analyst has concluded that an extinct animal discovered beneath a London bed was simply following the standard advice to stay put until the market became more reasonable.
The taxidermied creature had achieved what many younger Londoners regard as an advanced housing position: somewhere indoors, close to transport, with no immediate rent review. Its lack of a kitchen was offset by the fact that it no longer needed to eat.
A fictional estate agent described the location as a characterful lower-level retreat with excellent access to the main bedroom. The absence of daylight created an intimate atmosphere, while accumulated dust demonstrated an established residential history.
Under the invented valuation model, extinction counted as a stable employment status because it involved no risk of redundancy. Unfortunately, lenders remained concerned about the applicant’s inability to provide three months of payslips or attend a viewing without assistance.
The analyst noted that waiting beneath a bed for decades had not proved substantially less productive than several government housing strategies. Unlike those strategies, the animal had eventually attracted a clear offer and considerable international interest.
It is expected to leave London after the auction. Friends said this was understandable: once something has built up a little value, moving somewhere else remains the capital’s most reliable route to a better quality of life.
