This is satire. Events, dialogue and quotations in this article are invented for comic effect. It is not a factual news report.

A British startup has unveiled software which eliminates unnecessary procurement paperwork, subject to completing the paperwork required to establish whether paperwork is unnecessary.

Founder Alice Carr says the product can reduce a complicated buying process to three clear questions. The pilot application contains ninety-seven questions, including a request to explain why three would be sufficient.

Her team has prepared a cash-flow forecast, a delivery framework and a responsible-innovation statement. It has also written a statement explaining which parts of the previous statement may be shared with the people assessing the statement.

An official invited the founders to a helpful webinar on barriers facing small suppliers. They could not attend because both employees were completing the form used to register small suppliers for helpful webinars.

Carr remains optimistic about the prospect of selling to government. Her pitch deck describes a substantial addressable market, most of which is currently addressing something else and will return after the next spending review.

The company has therefore launched a second product: software which fills in applications for the first product. Investors believe this may be the larger opportunity. A third product, explaining what the applications were originally intended to achieve, remains at the research stage.