A British firm has declared one spreadsheet strategically indispensable after discovering that every department relies on it and nobody knows what column AJ does.
The workbook was built by someone called Steve, whose surname has been lost during three reorganisations. A hidden tab contains the word “FINAL”, suggesting Steve understood the situation better than his successors.
The company has purchased several enterprise systems intended to replace it. All now export their results into the spreadsheet, where the actual business takes place. Its creator has therefore achieved the most durable form of digital transformation: an unexplained macro.
Consultants have recommended a discovery phase. This will involve interviewing people who say they only enter the blue cells and the one colleague who insists the file becomes unhappy if opened before nine.
The finance director has prohibited structural changes until the quarter closes, a precaution which has remained in force for twelve consecutive quarters. A planned migration was abandoned when an error message displayed a pound sign in an unexpected place.
The workbook now has a backup regime, a risk register and a succession plan. Staff have asked whether they might qualify for similar protection. HR has explained that these arrangements are reserved for assets the organisation cannot recruit again.
