A fictional travel-advice columnist has revised her recommendation to bring home only memories after discovering that some readers apparently require the word ‘only’ to be enforced at baggage inspection.
Her imaginary correspondence includes a traveller asking whether a crocodile head counts as a personal item. She explains that the category normally covers a handbag or laptop, rather than a conversation that begins with customs summoning another colleague.
The fictional traveller argues that it fitted in the suitcase. The columnist notes that this is a measurement, not an ethical or legal framework, and would also permit several items the hotel strongly prefers guests to leave in the room.
A suggested alternative is a postcard. It depicts the destination, occupies little space and rarely requires anyone to establish whether the subject belonged to a protected species before allowing the passenger to proceed.
The columnist also recommends declining souvenirs that must be explained using the phrase ‘technically already dead’. This phrase has not historically improved the mood of an official looking inside a bag.
Her updated packing guide now contains three questions: Do you need it? Can you lawfully transport it? Would you be comfortable if someone asked where the rest of it was? Most holiday purchases, she says, should pass all three.
