Britain has requested a partial refund on its autumn wardrobe after September continued behaving as though it had not received the seasonal email. Millions had already purchased substantial coats and begun describing evenings as drawing in with unnecessary satisfaction.
The dispute centres on conditions considered incompatible with new knitwear. People reported leaving the house dressed for a brisk woodland walk and arriving at the station as a portable greenhouse. One scarf has applied to be released from duty until the temperature becomes more professionally appropriate.
A representative of the nation's wardrobes said manufacturers had acted in good faith by using words such as heritage and transitional. It was the atmosphere, he argued, that had failed to meet expectations. Refunds cannot be issued because most garments have already appeared in a photograph of a coffee.
The public is seeking compensation in the form of crisp mornings, manageable sunlight and a sufficient chill to justify its soup plans. Residents have meanwhile been advised to carry every possible season in a large bag. The coat industry says this demonstrates the continuing importance of versatile outerwear. Customers say it demonstrates the continuing importance of leaving the coat in the car.
