A household has appointed its most suspicious adult as thermostat finance director following the latest discussion about energy bills. The role carries authority over radiator valves, boiler schedules and whether somebody really needs to feel their hands.
Under the new framework, requests for additional warmth must include a forecast, two alternatives and evidence that a jumper has already been tried. Applications submitted while standing next to an open window will be rejected without appeal. The finance director has described closing the kitchen door as a major efficiency programme.
Resident Helen Price said she had requested twenty minutes of heating and been asked to define success. Her proposal was eventually approved as a limited pilot, with the hallway serving as the control group. The results will be reviewed after everybody stops standing directly in front of the radiator.
The household insists that comfort remains central to its strategy, although delivery is subject to prevailing market conditions. A discretionary warmth budget has been retained for guests, who will be allowed to believe the house is normally like this. Residents have noticed that the finance director’s preferred chair is beside the radiator. He says this is an operational necessity.
