This is satire. Events, dialogue and quotations in this article are invented for comic effect. It is not a factual news report.

The government says its new measures could save households up to £21 a year on food, including through the removal of import tariffs on more than 100 products. Officials called this a meaningful step towards affordability for families who now treat supermarket receipts as financial disclosures.

A fictional Treasury calculator asks users to enter their weekly shop, household size and preferred pickle. It then estimates whether they can afford to turn the heating on for an additional eleven minutes.

“Every pound counts,” said a fictional minister beside a display of baked beans and gherkins. “And £21 is enough to make a difference, provided you do not spend it all at once or attempt to buy a sandwich in central London.”

Critics said the figure was too small to address broader cost pressures. Ministers replied that small savings add up, an argument generally accepted by anyone who has found 4p behind a sofa and immediately revised their retirement plan.